margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
