He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to sanitize my soul.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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