I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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