I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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