I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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