im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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