i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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