I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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