Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
