I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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