What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
