I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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