You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
