i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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