I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
