do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
