but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
