He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
