i will never coherently bang her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
