TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
