Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
