dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
