dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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