If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize