I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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