Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
