On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
