why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
