Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
