There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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