VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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