pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
