i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
