just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
