There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
