I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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