She said her name was "party"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
