i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
