already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
