I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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