Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
