***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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