She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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