your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
