he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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