In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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