You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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