I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
