i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
