Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
