So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
