By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
