Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize