you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
