Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
