No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
