Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
