I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize