i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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