No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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