A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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