I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
