we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
