I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
