I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
