What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
