In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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