well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
