dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
