I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
