Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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