Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
