Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
