My pussy is not your playground.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
