6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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