I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
NoShamevember. You game?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
