I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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