I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
