If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
