i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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