and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
