he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
