She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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