why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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