hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
