oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
