Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
