so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
