Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
