Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
