Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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