6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
