I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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