Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
