i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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