I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize