Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
