So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
please come you make the beer taste better
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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