I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
